Support and Healing for Parents Who Lose Custody of Their Children

Behind every story of a child taken into state custody, there's often a parent who feels like they are facing immense stigma and judgment. That was a key takeaway at a meeting of the 100 Families Initiative of Pulaski County in Little Rock, which aimed to promote understanding of these highly sensitive situations.

The panel at the meeting was made up of parents who lost custody of their children, as well as an official with the Arkansas Division of Children and Family Services who spoke openly and candidly about improvements that could be made to the child welfare system. All of the panelists emphasized the importance of early intervention in helping families avoid the traumatic experience of losing custody of their children.

The relationship between DCFS, which is tasked with keeping children safe, and the parents who lose custody of their children is often fraught with tension, pain, and misunderstanding. Daniel Ibinola recalled the experience that led up to him losing custody of his infant son.

"My son was three months old. We took him to the hospital because he was fussy. There, I was slapped with charges of abuse. And it just went downhill from there," said Ibinola.

"My experience with the system was less than pleasant. I am a black man who is going through the system. I also have an accent. English is not my first language," explained Ibinola. "So most of the time when I am trying to speak it can be perceived as though I am angry. And you know what happens when people like me seem angry," added Ibinola.

Ibinola highlighted the systemic challenges that made it difficult for him to prove his ability to be a fit parent, despite his efforts to comply with the system's requirements. He said that from his perspective it felt like the child welfare workers were trying to break his spirit. He said he felt an overwhelming feeling of being judged as guilty before having a chance to try to prove innocence.

Ibinola said he was grateful to the panel and audience for listening to his story and hearing his perspective. "I think this is where support, community, and partnerships grow."

"The system is not supposed to raise our kids. It's supposed to be a support. It's supposed to help parents get to the point where we can thrive again," he added.

He was seated next to Teresa Bunche of DCFS, who tried to comfort him when he spoke about the pain he had been through. She thanked all three parents on the panel for their bravery in sharing their stories.

"I truly want to know what parents feel like when they work with us," said Bunche. "We want to make people feel like people. We should want families together."

Bunche said DCFS is tasked with making difficult decisions, often under immense pressure and with a short staff, to ensure that children are removed from environments deemed unsafe. She said that this can create an adversarial dynamic between the agency and parents, as parents may perceive DCFS as "the villain" responsible for tearing their families apart.

Bunche did not speak to the specifics of the Ibinola case but said that when doctors report concerns about a child to DCFS, the agency must defer to the doctor's professional opinion and will be held accountable for its response.

"We have people we have to answer to as well. We're DCFS, not a doctor. I can't overrule what a doctor has said. We try to do the best we can with the information that we have," she explained.

Leslie and Daniel Skaggs struggled with drug addiction, which led to their children being removed from their home. The Skaggs talked about the pain and trauma associated with losing custody of their children. They said they started to feel as though the system viewed them solely through the lens of their mistakes or struggles, rather than recognizing their potential for rehabilitation and growth.

"I was always a public servant. I was a police officer and a corrections officer. I worked on an ambulance for most of my career. But now I was just 'methhead mom'," said Leslie.

Leslie also spoke about the hardships that come along with having a child welfare case, including one that touches multiple counties.

"We had so many counties involved in our case. We had Randolph County where we originated. We had Saline County where our kids had to go into foster care. And then we had Pulaski County, where my husband was. We just couldn't get everybody to communicate because they were so short staffed. Everybody was running in different directions," she said.

Leslie explained that the nature of child welfare services, with its strict requirements, assessments, and timelines, can further complicate communication between parents and caseworkers. She recalled moments when she believed she had completed all the steps required by DCFS, only to later discover there were additional tasks she did not know about. She said this lack of clear communication added stress to an already overwhelming process, making it harder for her to navigate the path toward reunification.

"By the time we got to court, they were ready to adopt my children out," she added.

Leslie explained that she tried to be very honest with DCFS about her struggles but that this honesty would later be used against her in court when she was trying to get her children back.

The Skaggs said they were eventually helped by the 100 Families Initiative, a resource that provides case management to help families move from crisis to stability to career. They noted the Initiative helped them form a more clear path to reuniting with their children.

Bunche noted that there have been some staffing changes and staff relocation within DCFS that should allow the Department to better serve families going forward.

"The goal is for families to be reunited and go home. When you have staff that are not prepared, that does not happen. Families are not being reunified if we are not giving them the care that they need," explained Bunche.

Bunche said the agency is trying to hire more caseworkers so that the number of cases that one worker must handle does not become insurmountable. "A caseworker might have sixty cases. But that is not just sixty people. Sometimes, a case can include six or seven children, all with different fathers."

Throughout the meeting, panelists and participants alike emphasized the importance of a coordinated, compassionate approach to supporting families in crisis. Many spoke of the need for more resources, especially for families struggling with addiction.

Support services that were discussed included housing assistance, transportation, and access to parenting education—services that many in attendance said were essential to recovery and reunification efforts.

Panelists said that building trust and creating clear, compassionate lines of communication between DCFS and parents are essential to fostering a more collaborative relationship that is focused on family reunification, whenever safe and possible.

All three parents on the panel are now using their past experiences to support other families who need help. They have all entered professions that allow them to work with families in crisis every day.

"When I went through the system, there was not another parent to tell me that there was going to be a light at the end of the tunnel. To have someone to tell you to take it one step at a time and that it is going to be fine is very, very important," Ibinola said.

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