Shifting the Narrative Around Domestic Violence

Crisis represents a temporary gap in life, not a lifestyle. 

Thankfully, structured community support provides a bridge between the instability of managing domestic violence and a place of personal safety and security. 

At the beginning of the summer, a Black Hawk County woman who immigrated to Iowa experienced domestic violence in her home. She and her three children found safety at a local shelter. Through a coordinated effort among staff and local services, she was provided a cellphone to keep in touch with family in her home country—another step toward security. 

Since that day, she's enrolled in classes to boost her self-sufficiency, attends church to soothe her soul, and is learning how to care for herself and her children as a survivor.

As Cathy White, Connection Center and Finance Coordinator of Love in the Name of Christ (Love INC) of Cedar Valley, shared this story, she smiled about the friendship she's fostered with this family. She loves it when the children jump into her lap so they can enjoy a meal together, even if it means getting little food fingerprints on her shirt.

Love INC, which serves residents in Cedar Falls, Waterloo and Evansdale, mobilizes area churches to offer spiritual, mental, emotional and physical support.

Coming Together, Forming an Alliance

White, along with three additional panelists, discussed ways to better manage domestic violence support at Black Hawk County's October Thrive Iowa Community Alliance meeting in Waterloo.

"Really, everything that we do centers around that collaboration piece," Thrive Iowa Coordinator for Black Hawk County Liz Crane explained. "So, not only collaborating with community partners in this space, but also how we work with those participants and supporting them through their journey."

In Black Hawk County, Thrive Iowa supports families in crisis as they work on attaining stability through resource navigation, community partnerships and HopeHub, a collaborative case management system.

As of October, the Black Hawk County initiative supports 44 active participants and has served 56 people total so far in 2026. The numbers show forward movement in employment, food, housing and recovery assistance. To date, five participants have successfully transitioned from critical situations to stable employment.

Breaking Down Domestic Violence Stigmas

The alliance panelists discussed stigmas affecting people seeking refuge from domestic violence situations. They noted that many erroneously think they brought the crisis onto themselves, or they can no longer reach their goals.

The speakers explained that there can be varying views around domestic violence survivors receiving help or not following through with assistance plans because they return to their previous living situation with hopes of experiencing change and the safety they used to know. The panelists feel, it's not for us to question why survivors may go back to an unstable situation. Instead, consider how we as a community can provide support that helps to shift survivors' perspectives.

The group discussion focused on reminding domestic abuse survivors of their intrinsic value, allowing them to make choices for themselves and that God has a plan and love for them.

"What's going to make Thrive Iowa the most successful for participants moving to stability is through that collective work that we can do together," Crane shared. "That collaboration is space for not only the participants to move forward; it's the space where we can work together collectively, collaboratively, and support one another within what is challenging work."

Recognizing Barriers to Getting Help

Sometimes when domestic survivors decide to seek help, they're met with roadblocks, such as a lack of reliable transportation, education or stable employment. They may also have low confidence and trust issues.

Cultural barriers were also explored. Some survivors feel a sense of shame because they can't care for their own needs. Or, they may have language limits and not understand how to apply for helpful programs. 

Dianne Gregory, an Academic Career Education Specialist at Hawkeye Community College in Waterloo helps domestic violence survivors without an income find part-time work while they train for a sustainable career. As they begin earning, many worry about losing income-based assistance, which creates a barrier to working through the middle ground between crisis and sustainable stability. 

"It takes a lot of conversations about how we can navigate this in a way that makes sense for them, where they're not going to just be suddenly without benefits that they need," Gregory added.

Even the Youngest Are Affected

Children living in homes with domestic violence experience psychological, social, and physiological changes even when they aren't physically impacted, according to panelist Gaga Barzut, a Child Protection Worker for Iowa Health and Human Services.

"They are absorbing everything that goes on around them. I know many cases we encounter families that had their children in their bedroom, or they were outside while the parents or caretakers were fighting. However, the children do hear and they do see," Barzut explained about traumatic situations.

These experiences change a child's brain chemistry by activating the fight-or-flight system, which in turn shapes their beliefs and what they think a relationship should look like.

"They also see the aftermath of the event, and this causes their body to still feel like they're part of that incident,” she added. “It increases stress hormones, which can lead to long-term effects that will impact their psychology later on, if not even in that immediate moment." 

Barzut says some children will try to rationalize, or make sense of domestic violence situations. They try to intervene and protect a parent or sibling, or place blame on one of the adults. They may shift into a premature caretaking role or become hyper vigilant.

"So these routines are not the same for these children as for the children that are growing up in better homes," Barzut added. "I would say, a lot of times, this impacts their daily functioning, how they're doing in school, and society doesn't see what happens in their homes."

Building Pathways to Stability

The road ahead isn't easy, but it exists. Alliance members talked about the ways Black Hawk County services assist with training, education, boosting life skills and how to build supportive relationships that become a web of support.

They shared the key to reform is active listening and paying attention to what survivors say and ask for, not what we think they need, colored by our own lens of perception.

Amy Dall, Executive Director of Guiding Star Cedar Valley in Waterloo, offers holistic pro-woman and pro-family care. Some survivors' immediate needs include education around breastfeeding or managing postpartum, which may not be top of mind for case workers.

"It does take a lot of social and community support for the families to thrive," Dall shared. "We're so blessed in Black Hawk County to have a plethora of resources and referrals."